also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Vodka?
Forever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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