I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
