the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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