new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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