I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
