i would punch a child for taco bell
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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