i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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