There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
