I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
