Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
