I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
