Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
