isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
