She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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