So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
