thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
