Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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