I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
