he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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