he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
