Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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