FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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