i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
