At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
