i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
handjob tips. give me some.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
