Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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