maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
