my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
