I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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