Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
