a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She told me I should be a condom model.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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