Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
