he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
