Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
