Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
