What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
