Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
