Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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