Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Welp...herpes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
