So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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