I think my fart just growled at me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
