remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
