some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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