UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
