My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
