I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
