I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
