just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
