Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
