Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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