We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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