I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
