he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
