you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
