I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
