i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
