U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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