Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it glows. i had to have it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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