She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
