he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
