btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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