I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
