I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
is it fun? or sober?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
