I cockslap morals
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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